It is extremely normal to be tempted to want revenge after you find out that your spouse has cheated on you. It often feels as if he has gotten to commit this horrible act while you have to pay the price. You have to feel the hurt, the humiliation, and the shock, while all he has to do is say he's sorry and move on. This can feel even worse when family, friends, and the community see him as a wonderful man with a very strong character flirtwith.com or a high degree of integrity. You can feel as if no one really knows your husband's true self - and perhaps no one ever will. This seems very unfair. And so with this in mind, it can become tempting to expose your husband's lack of integrity to his family, friends, bosses, or colleagues.
A wife might very angrily say:
"every one thinks that my husband is this wonderful man. I used to think
this also. Everyone thinks that he is selfless and that he is a man of
integrity. His company is sort of known for doing important things for others.
He is known as someone who thinks of other people before he thinks of himself.
That's a very pretty picture he has painted for himself, but it is not entirely
true. I found out that my husband has been sleeping with a very young woman who
he was supposed to be mentoring in order to help her better herself. I'm sure
that everyone thinks that my sweet, selfless husband was helping yet one more
person who was down on their luck. But he was helping himself too. And he was
using our money to pay for her home. The other day, I saw one of my husband's
co workers at lunch and she told me how one of the families my husband had
helped had just been able to buy their own home. She said that I might never
know how many people my husband has 'touched.' I wanted to reply that I was
starting to figure it out and that it might surprise her to know how much my
husband flirtwith.com
review has crossed the
line. I stopped myself before I could say anything, but now I almost regret it.
My husband is still on top of the world. He still is thought of as a wonderful
person in the community. For the last couple of days, I have been considering
writing a letter outlining exactly what my husband has done. And then sending
that letter to family, friends, and colleagues who think my husband is so
great. Imagine how ashamed my husband will feel and how embarrassed he will be.
I feel that this is really the only thing that I can do to hurt him. Should I
do this?"
Only you can make that decision,
but I can give you some things to think about. Can you possibly know for sure
that some of your husband's friends and colleagues do not already know about
the affair? Or at least have some idea? If this were true, not only would the
letter not have the impact you wanted, but it might make you look a little
vindictive. flirtwith Also, if
this gesture makes you look less than upstanding yourself, it might make some
form a negative opinion about you that could be used as a justification for
your husband's cheating. Not even to mention that if you unleash something like
this into the universe, it may eventually come back to you.
Outside of that, it truly isn't
anyone else's business what goes on with your marriage. And you never know how
you are going to feel tomorrow. What happens if you unleash this news on
everyone and then six months from now you want to save your marriage? Or you
want to just move on with your life? After you've told, every one knows and has
judgments about your marriage. Both you and your husband might experience
embarrassment and shame whenever you have to face these people - which may be
quite often.
Frankly, wanting to humiliate and
shame a cheating husband is not uncommon. Many wives do tell others because
they want for other people to share in their anger. But I do not know many of
them that feel it was the right decision later. Because much of the time, the
person that you told will keep bringing up the affair (and asking about it)
when you are more than ready to move on. This can be true even if you aren't
trying to save your marriage. There comes a time when you don't want to talk
about or think of it anymore and yet every time you come in contact with
someone to whom you sent that letter, you are going to be reminded.
In my opinion, sending such a
letter just spreads the negativity to more people and it just ensures that the
reminders are going to keep coming. I know that when you are smack in the
middle of the hurt, you aren't thinking of the day when you will want to move
on. But that day comes for almost everyone. And your letter will make this
harder for you to do. I think it's best to let the people in your husband's
life find out about this on their own - if they do not already know. Just like
your marriage is between you and your husband and no one else, your husband's
relationship between his family, friends, and colleagues is between them.
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